Oh hi there. Very kind of you to come back after my month-long absence.
Before I go back to posting about the million weird and wonderful beauty products I’ve seen and tested in the last couple of months, I figured I might as well do a quick life update as the kids call it. I intended to take a week-long blog break to focus on work and other things, but it all just became a bit too much – which is why it’s now a month later.
I was always convinced that I can take care of myself and that I’m doing a really good job of being a strong independent woman, but there were a few pretty significant fails in the last few months that made me feel incompetent, frustrated and less capable (mom, if you’re reading this – I’m totally ok and you know about at least 80% of it).
The bad news: there are things I still haven’t figured out, and other things that are beyond my control. I guess I’m going to have to carry on faking it until I make it (which is something I’m very tired of, but very good at).
The good news: there are other things I have been able to figure out and decisions I’ve been able to make. Some are not so immediately appealing but they will be good for me in the long run. Example: after swearing high and low that I’ll have to be evicted from my current flat in a body bag (or, you know, when I marry some version of prince charming), I’m voluntarily moving 2.7km down the road in order to save a significant amount of money every month. I despise the thought of it and I haven’t packed or prepared a single thing, but I was able to identify that it’s a good long term decision so I’m pushing through.
Another thing I’ve realised is while I have no intention of turning into a complete granny, maybe a year of living it up post-breakup was enough and I can start finding my balance again. Other people are good at listening to what their bodies want, I’m trying to listen to what the rest of me wants – and it wants to feel like it belongs somewhere. That somewhere isn’t so much a party at 1am every weekend anymore (took me a while to understand why I was no longer having as much fun these last few months even though I was still going through the motions), but rather movie nights and dinners and wine dates and get togethers with the people close to my heart.
The more I think about it, the more it boils down to balance. Which, hilariously, is a characteristic other people have always seen in me. But somewhere along the line I’ve lost my balance, and I now need to regain it. Independence VS asking for and accepting help. Nurturing and taking care of loved ones VS coddling them to the point where I’m drained from it. Giving VS taking in personal relationships. Knowing when to fight and when to quit. You know, those kinds of things.
Should I have figured out those things already? Probably, but things don’t always work out as planned, which is something I’m learning to be ok with too.
PS – I have SO MANY beauty things to write about – I’m going to try my very best to plan and schedule posts so that there are regular reads up while I move (and probably while I wait for my internet line to be moved too).